


Fall Out Boy Drunk History- HISTORICAL AMERICA STYLE

by whatacatchphillip



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Drunk Brendon, Drunk History - Freeform, Funny, Humor, almost a crack!fic, fall out boy drunk history, literally like a swear word every sentence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 23:01:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6170128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatacatchphillip/pseuds/whatacatchphillip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fall Out Boy's Drunk History, but all of the band members as figures from the time of America's revolution.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fall Out Boy Drunk History- HISTORICAL AMERICA STYLE

**Author's Note:**

> The year was 1790, and the political leaders of the United States got together for the first State of The Union Address. Afterword, they were able to get Andrew Jackson very drunk, and had him tell the story of America.  
> I welcome you to... THE DRUNK HISTORY OF AMERICA.

**While at the very first State of the Union Address...**

**Andrew Jackson from the Founding Fathers drank:**

  * **Shots of whiskey**
  * **Shots of Jameson**
  * **Numerous glasses of wine throughout the day**
  * **and a spiked cup of tea from Thomas Jefferson**



**Andrew Jackson then retold the History of the United States of America**

It was the summer of 1773... Thomas Jefferson meets George Washington and he's like, "Yo, I know about igniting revolutions."

Then George's like, "Yo, I know more about igniting revolutions!"

"That's impossible! So, you wanna start a country?"

And George's like, "Yeah, that's cool."

And then, he's like, "Yo, this is a British Colony, not a meeting with the Continental Congress!" Then they met in Philadelphia. So, George's wearing a coat, a wig, and some dentures. George is writing for some fuckin' reason and then John Adams is there for some reason.

They start planning a revolution and they're like, "Yo, let's look at governments from some other countries." It was like Rome, and fuckin' Greece, and fuckin' Italy.

John said to Thomas, "Yo, that's dope, but we need a fuckin' author." Because George's writing and he's a general.

George's like, "Yo, I got the capacity to build an army!" And they're like, "Wait, how do you have the capacity to build an army?" and he's like, "Yo, watch this: REEEEEvoLUUUttttIIIIOOOOnnnnn!"

They're like, "Oh my god, that totally formed an army!"

So they put it in action, and it was like, "WHERE ARE THE REDCOATS TONIIIIIIIiiiiiIIIIIIIIIiiiIIIIIIIGHT?!" and they're like, "Yo, that's fuckin perfect, this is America."

They made colonies like Old York. Old York, everybody loves it.

 _*John in the background_ * "It's called _New_ York."

" _Old_ York, it's called Old York... It's called Old York, and it's real and it doesn't matter."

 And John talked to George and Thomas and he's like, "Yo, what the fuck! Yo, this is gonna be fuckin' dooooope!"

So they drafted a document and it was called The Declaration of Independence. They made it without a author, and they had like 3, 4 authors come in.

The four authors they had come in were like Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, the dude from Connecticut. The fourth one was like the guy from North Carolina, or something.

They're like, "Yo, we need James Madison. James, The Constitution. Fuckin' review and rewrite it."

And he did, and he killed it, and he was like, "*intense pencil noises*, PSHHH!"

Killin' the paper, tapping the paper, tapping the quill, writin' the shit, killing these bitches, rapping it out!

 _*Andrew notices the State of the Union Address_ * You're giving a fucking Address right now?! What the fuck is going on?!

"We should get it signed by all the revolutionaries, 'cause these guys know what the fuck is going on."

And they were like, "Yo, if you can make our country more organized than it is, which is not fuckin' hard, we will sign your Constitution."

John was like, "Yo, we got this document that's fuckin' dooooooope, dude, it's called The Constitution- it's called The Articles of Confederation, it's gonna be fucking huge."

And then George's like, "I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it presidential. These are three colonies that are gonna make the country and it's called-BURP- Virginia, Pennsylvania, and New Hampshire."

 And they made this country that was fuckin' dope, and it gained states, like one two three, three two one, three four five six seven eight nine ten. Ten to one! America fought like four million Redcoats... Ten million Redcoats? Fifteen million Redcoats!

... and Andrew Jackson had nothing to do with the entire revolution! And George was like, "That's gooooOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOd."

John was like, "Yo, fuck you, King of England, I can do whatever I want!"

And Thomas was like, "Yeah, it's cool man, whatever, I don't give a shit."

James was like "Eh, cool."

John was like "Freedom of speech is fuckin' great for a country. Because, it makes the people content, which a lot of times, the people aren't content, and I wanna change that. I wanna make sure everyone in America had a voice."

 _*Suddenly, Andrew gets distracted by Congress*_ I'm good so far, yeah... SHUT THE FUCK-

Oh, fuck, alright, alright. John was like, "Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed about this feud between the political parties."

And then I saw the political parties, and was like "Ah, it's not bad. It's not a bad political system. Let's be real.”

Virginia became a colony one colony before Massachusetts, and Massachusetts made the country right after us and John was so pissed, he was like, "Yo, fuck you guys!"

John's like, "Yo! Virginia became a fuckin' colony, yo, fuck these dudes, Massachusetts is gonna fucking go miles above! We're gonna have the greatest fuckin' stand against England known to man."

But they didn't, because they missed a second of time... Apparently, they were like, "Oh shit, we threw every tea barrel in to Boston Harbor." But, they didn't actually hit it. Dude...

John was like, "WHAT THE FUCK?! It's like, FUCK TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION IN THE ENGLISH PARLIMENT!"

So, The Articles of Confederation happen, we fuckin' have three, four years of awesomeness. Like, people are coming (a/n: Brendon, you fucker)... _to the colonies_ themselves 'cause it's so big.

Alright so America was like- so, George was like, "Yo, we are going to name these documents the Constitution, and From Arti- Articles of Confederation."

John was like, "Yo, a two party system will mean the country will be so much better."

 _*John corrects him from the side*_ "You know there can be more than two parties, right? There's two _major_ parties."

Oh, sorry! I'm sorry.

America was like, "Yo, we got to make a stronger central government." Meaning, John was like, "Yo, we've got to give Congress the power to tax the nation."

George's like, "I need time to make a central court system!"

Thomas is like, "Yo, I need time to find the fucking art, dude, I got to find some fucking che- checks and balances."

James is like, "I'm just gonna write some fucking political documents."

And they're like, "All right, this has taken like three years... Two years? Three and a half?"

"We gotta fucking reorganize our country, we gotta come back strong!"

 _*Andrew re-realizes that America has stopped buying clothes from the British_ * You took my British clothes away, what the fuck?

 _*John and Thomas correct him quietly*_ "No, you burned them." and, "Yeah, you were part of the group that declared we would stop importing British products!"

Then, America was like, "We got to make this shit legit, it's gonna be fucking dope, it's going to go fucking sky high. We're going to make a fucking country that sails the skies. We're going to call this country the United States of America."

After the Louisiana Purchase, they made states like Florida, Kentucky, Flordia, and Iowa. And everybody's like, "What the fuck? You made a deal with a country that tried to conquer all of Europe."

 _*Andrew still doesn't remember he burnt his British clothes and wig*_ Is this- what the fuck is this on my head, did I get a new wig? Oh, god...

John was like, "Yo, were gonna end up on the path to a successful nation with a government unlike the world has ever seen."

And that's all, that's all that matters. That's just how the fuckin' story goes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you! I know I flipped around the Constitution and The Articles of Confederation, but I did it for humor and such :). My brother and I spent a few hours throwing this together, so we hope you like it!


End file.
